Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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