If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
