he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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