i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
