Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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