i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
