Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
