so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
