Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
