god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
