Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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