neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
