its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
