My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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