"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
