honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
