You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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