OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
