I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
