Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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