there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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