You can't special order awesome
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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