Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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