he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
