my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
