We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
