BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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