Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
