we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
