i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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