i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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