My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
