Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
