then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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