and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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