dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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