I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
