Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
