I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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