eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
