its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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