i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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