After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
