I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
