If that was your dad, he is hot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
