I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
