I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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