People in love make me want to vomit
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
