oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
