this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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